The Muskoxen

OK, so this *may* be TMI, but your boy is typing this entry from his toilet.  Not 10 minutes ago I tried KFC’s Double Down “ breadless sandwich.”  I should have known better.  Actually I did know better, but in the interest of informing the general public, I forged ahead to bring you this toilet blasting installment.

The Double Down (isn’t this a Blackjack or Poker term?  What does it have to do with a chicken sandwich? And on the topic of Poker: I’m sick of it already – it’s NOT a sport!  We don’t need TV shows associated with it.  Seriously, enough already, but I digress… I may have to another post on the oversaturation of Poker these days.).  Anyway, back to the Double Down… MSO Jess introduced me to the sandwich through an email she sent to the group condemning it.  I thought it looked amazing and vowed to try it.  Here’s what happened.

MSO Shade’ decided it was a KFC night.  I’m not sure why because I don’t eat KFC because whatever grease they use runs through my stomach and out my ass Usain Bolt fast.  I decided though that if she was going to get it, it was my duty to try this new sandwich. 

For those of you who don’t know, the sandwich is, “two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!” taken directly from:

http://www.kfc.com/doubledown/

Anyway…. I got the Fried version because I’m a real man (and yes, I do realize that they use the same grease for this chicken as their regular chicken so I was prepared for the abdominal cramps and impending liquid explosion.  I also realized that there was cheese on the sandwich and I’m lactose intolerant… I went in knowing the risks and I completed the mission, how very military of me.  I’m like a toilet General).  The sandwich was initially a major disappointment.  I unwrapped it and it was puny - MUCH smaller than I had imagined.  Which, in the end, turned out to be a good thing actually.  In all honesty I wanted to like this sandwich, but when it comes down to it, it’s just not that good.  It’s a greasy mess for one thing which is to be expected, but the Colonel’s sauce (which sounds a little faggy if you ask me) was lathered on the sandwich like gravy on a Thanksgiving day plate – way too much.  The two cheeses paired nicely together, but I’m not eating this thing with wine so who the fuck cares?  I’ll be honest: I didn’t eat the whole thing.  I simply couldn’t.  Not because it tasted too bad, but because I literally almost shit myself at the table.  And here I am, writing this now.  My toilet probably looks like some abstract water color painting (if the water colors were shot out of a paintball gun that is) and my stomach is KILLING me.  Stupid KFC, you got me again.

I won’t say don’t try it for yourself though.  Hell, you may like eating like a fucking Neanderthal, but from now on I’ll use bread on my sandwich like a normal person, if for nothing else than to soak up the grease and distribute it more evenly into my bowels for processing.

In summary, the Double Down made me Double Over.  And then it made me Double Time it to the bathroom.  I vote for a name change to either of those, hey, truth in advertising, right?

Have any of you guys tried it yet?  If so, what did you think?