The Muskoxen

Hey everyone. Just wanted to announce that I'm finally launching my long-in-the-works cartoon and comics site, Beer and Rot.

Check it out, and let me know what you think if you enjoy it. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself.

Special thanks to the Muskoxen and my lovely wife, Val, for all their help, even though I ignored a good chunk of it and left the long fart in.

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Within the next week or two, there's a roughly 50% chance that I will have a daughter. To that end, Val and I were discussing the need for a new word to take the place of vagina.

Basically, vagina is a crappy word. It's not surprise because it is, after all, a medical term. It probably meant "bucket" or something in Latin, and now we're stuck with it. (Author's note: I just looked it up, and it actually means sheath or scabbard in Latin... you know... because it fits on our "swords"... So, it's basically like a bad, 3000 year old joke).

The thing is that, while penises got nicknames for every occasion, vaginas went straight from medical to dirty (cunt, twat, pussy), confusing (box, cooter), intentionally gross and silly (camel toe, hatchet wound), or those stupid variants of other terms (vag, vagine, cunnie, vajayjay, etc.).

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Doing some of my Youtubing I ran across this... it's apparently a real product (or at least the website makes it look like you can order them).  The "commercial" made me laugh though... enjoy.

http://ineedahandjob.com/Handjob/Order.html

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Good thing McNabb got up, Vick was going to run down, bash his teeth out and drown him.

Wokka wokka wokka!

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So, this is more of an inside question, but I say we open it up for discussion.

What would the Muskoxen do in regards to this picture? Should the bird be more prominent, or do we feel that the idea comes across?

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So I was sitting here bored and it occured to me that a couple weekends ago Vince, Shade' and I saw a hilarious commercial for the Slap Chop on MTV in which someone laid a beat down and "remixed" the infomercial.  No idea why this just popped into my head, but it did, so I went and found it to share with you guys:
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA 425x344]

So apparently there are parodies of it, too (not surprisingly):
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaR4LcLbW8I&feature=fvw 425x344]

[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0cgQkT4ScQ 425x344]

OK, I'm doing one of my youtube randumb viewing sessions now... check out the ShamWow song:
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsQcyhBsSjI 425x344]

Check out the cameo's in this JamWow Remix, simply awesome:
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CztvSpKdCeY 425x344]

OK, I'd better stop before I waste any more time (ine or yours)....

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The Shake Weight may be the funniest workout aid ever invented.  Seriously.  The thighmaster has NOTHING on this...  watch the video in the following link and you'll understand. My problem with it is that I see no point in spending then $20 (+ S&H) when you can get the same workout for free and make us (your boys) happy at the same time.... you get a work out and strong upper bodies and in the end we both get happy endings! :)

https://www.shakeweight.com/

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OK, I'm sure I'm not the only person who's seen this, but it has to be shared.  Mr. T has an infomercial for a cooking machine called the FlavorWave Oven.  In a shocking turn, he's turned his gold chains in for an apron.  You read that right: an apron.  On Mr. T.  Do you think B.A. Baracus would have ever worn an apron?  HELL NO.  Unless Hanniball stuck him with a needle to get him on a plane and then put an apron on him... and if they did that I pity the fool who he sees first when we wakes up.  Anyway, Check it out:



[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrVWyj-XcbQ 425x244]

How awesome/pathetic/sad/sweet is that?  How about his entrance?  He kicked down a door amid a cloud of dust (and damn near toppled over)!  DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!  Not even a prop door can stand between Mr. T and some good grub!  I gotta get one!  And fast!  And not only does it bake flavor into food, you can actually BAKE with it!  I'd like to see someone make a muffin with a George Forman grill... take THAT George.

I kept hoping that at some point he'd go all Clubber Lang and challenge George Forman to some sort of fight or challenge.  "My prediction?  Pain!"

I'm not mad at him for trying to make money - I'm sure his Rocky III and A-Team royalties aren't what they used to be, but did he have to try so hard to blatently ride on the coattails of Big George?  And with such an inferior product?  Seriously - just look at that thing - it's huge and basically it reminds of of those Easy Bake Ovens that cook with a regular lightbulb that were so popular with girls and aspiring Emirrils when I was a kid... And take a look in the background... I've heard of product placement, but this infomercial took that notion to a whole new level - look how many FlavorWaves riddle the shelves... I guess they've got to have somewhere to put them when no one orders them, huh?

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So I'm sitting at my desk when I notice a link on the msn webpage that catches my eye.  "12 Workplace Phrases You Probably Don't Know, But Should" - hmmm... interesting, I need to know this information, I'd better click the link:  Have a look for yourself:

http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-1917-Workplace-Issues-12-Workplace-Phrases-You-Probably-Dont-Know-But-Should/?cbsid=708c5a9d672d4c99b8b17ccb56b8e19a-298990363-VO-4&sc_extcmp=JS_1917_home1&cbRecursionCnt=2&SiteId=cbmsnhp41917&ArticleID=1917>1=23000

As I'm reading the "must know phrases" it hit me just how ridiculous they all are.  It also hit me that there is a lot of covert racism strewn throughout these corporate buzz words.  All of these phrases/buzz words are guilty, but I'll just point out a few of the more obvious ones here:

Drink the Kool-Aid I feel that this statement is blatantly racist. I bet it's "red" flavored Kool-Aid too, which is definitely racist. Or maybe grape.  Either way, it's wrong.  Why isn't it "Drink the Tang"?  You wanna know why?  It's because only white people drink Tang.  Anyway, I have no idea why drinking Kool-Aid correlates to following blindly or being brainwashed...  I think it goes back to the slave mentality.

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[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exOxUAntx8I 425x344]

For most sports fans, this won't need any explanation, just awe and wonderment. I can't stop watching it. 

(Kissing Suzy Kolber via Deadspin)

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