The Muskoxen

Dear Muskoxen,

I'm concerned about the switch to digital television coming up. I only get TV over the air, and missed out on the government vouchers for a converter box. What should I do?

Signed,
Nubbins Television

The Muskoxen felt it appropriate to publish this  question today, due to the digital TV deadline.

Majority Opinions

Muskoxen Geoff: Dear Nubbins - Remember when you used to complain that there was nothing on TV? Ah, the irony...

If you are poor or sick or cheap or have just moved here from another country or something like that where this whole thing is legitimately out of your hands, I feel for you. The FCC shouldn't be forcing this switch in the first place, but I'll save that rant for another time. At least you still have free radio, right? Coincidentally that was big during the last depression too.

If you're unprepared for this because you're stupid and/or lazy, I have no pity for you. What you should do is get your head out of your ass. Or keep it in there and suffocate on your own turds. I don't care either way. You suck, Nubbins.

Muskoxen Keith: Dear Nubs TV - Your query is very perturbing.  Not because of the obvious (the fact that they've only been announcing this conversion for YEARS now, it seems), rather the fact that you missed out on the free money.  I'm assuming that you're strapped for cash if you're still watching TV over the air.  Hey, it happens.  But the fact that you have  internet access suggests that you live with the times, at least somewhat, so I will assume that cable/satellite TV is cost-prohibitive and that you're using NetZero's dial up 56k madness (hey I did it for YEARS myself).  But that's exactly what bothers me.  If you're so strapped for cash, why didn't you jump on the government voucher?  You have the internet... all you had to do was go to the webpage, sign up and they mailed them to you.  Easy. IT WAS FREE MONEY.

Instead you chose to wait until the very last day possible and instead of going to the store and begging for change in the parking lot, you decide to ask some strangers from an awesome website to bail you out.  Well, The Muskoxen are not the Federal Government and are not in the habit of giving out free stuff.  Except ass whippings, and shitty advice.   So here's my advice to you: listen to the radio.  It's still free and will remain so, I would imagine because it pretty much sucks and who wants to pay for something that sucks?  Of course by doing this, you will not get to watch your usual smorgasbord of over the air TV broadcast channels, so you'll no longer be able to see your local news (who cares about that crap anyway?), reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond at all hours of the night, movies that are older than you and sucked even when they came out which means they suck even worse now (and as an added bonus - they're edited for TV!), static, and the occasional late night infomercial for stuff that you can't afford since you can't afford cable so you shouldn't be watching anyway. For this, I apologize, but had you done what you were supposed to do and just gotten a damn converter box, you'd be fine.  Seriously, if you could have saved a NICKEL each day since this conversion has been announced (and by save I mean find in the parking lot of Safeway you do carts at) you would have had enough to cover your purchase.  Stop whining and deal with the fact that you're now relegated to a life of sounds with no picture.

Or, you could get bootleg cable.  It's not that hard to do.  I'm not advocating illegal cable boxes, I'm just saying they're out there...  it's your choice Mr. Nubs: nothing but sounds, or so many options of moving pictures that you'll get a chubby just looking at the channel guide and picture clarity that will make you finish in your pants!

The choice is yours.  Choose wisely, my friend.

-Muskoxen Keith
p.s. if illegal cable is against your scruples or whatever,  feel free to use all of your NetZero time perusing  www.muskoxen.org.  It's funnier than most of the BS on cable anyway.  Just don't try to download any of our videos or your computer will crap out faster than a incontinent invalid who just downed a prune smoothie with ExLax sprinkles.

Muskoxen Brendan: Nubbins - Muskoxen Geoff is correct, you suck. I remember hearing about this conversion ten years ago, and unless you've been living under a rock, there's been no excuse for waiting this long to rectify your situation. 

Because everyone has berated you long enough, I just want to leave you with this video:

[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w34nNux4Xw 425x344]

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